Looking for honest fun friends

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Do you need to end a friendship? Sometimes we have to break up with friends. See why fake friends can be so damaging and how to protect yourself.

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Your fake friends are ruining you. I know it sounds harsh, but if you want to be truly happy you have to:. A frenemy is someone who you are friendly with, despite a fundamental dislike or rivalry. Frenemies might want you to do good on the surface, but behind your back they will gossip about you and may even be jealous of your accomplishments and successes. Frenemies may be more common than you think.

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Why is this? That could mean death. The key point here is to identify your frenemies so you can either become real friends… or get rid of them. This is the most common type of frenemy. In fact, jealousy is often the emotion that flips friends into enemies. And it goes both ways…. The Problem: Jealousy is an insidious little beast.

It destroys trust, respect, and admiration. I believe that it is almost impossible to have a healthy relationship where there is jealousy brewing. Undermining frenemies are usually great at passive-aggressive comments, sarcastic tones, and enabling your bad behavior. The Problem: These kinds of frenemies are the worst! Bottom Line: Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Cut this person out.

Where do you stand? Do they help or support you? You are constantly on guard and second-guessing them. This kind of ambivalence takes a lot of energy because you are in a constant state of not knowing. A fake friend is someone who makes you fake it — fake liking, fake authenticity, or faking someone you are not, in order to be friends with them.

You know your friendship is slowly going downwards when you start to see the warning s. Fake friends are the people you hang around with that drain your energy. Board game friends? Not anymore—your friend would rather watch the paint dry than play another game of Pictionary. Gym buddies? The most exercise your friend has now is lifting the remote. Real friends stick around to the end. Sometimes there are people that make us overthink everything we say. There are even scientific studies that link uncertainty to stress and even brain damage. Oh, you both work at the same place?

And have a cat? And love eating sushi? Wow, you have so much in common! But sometimes the commonalities end there. Have you ever heard that science fact that the body replaces itself with new cells every 7 to 10 years? That means we are completely different people than now. Oftentimes, being different requires a different standard of friends. As a recovering awkward person, I made many awkward friends in my highschool and college years. Some of them got better, but unfortunately, some of them are even more awkward to this day.

People change, and so do friends. Excuses, excuses. Time to move on. Why do I feel bad? We absolutely can grow out of friends, just like we grow out of clothes. Sometimes our taste changes, sometimes our size changes. The longer you spend time with a fake friend, the longer your fake friend boundaries are established, and the harder it becomes to turn a fake friend into a real friend.

Did you know that only about half of our friendships are actually mutual? In other words, we are really bad at telling who our real friends are from fake ones. I want to walk you through a step-by-step way to assess your friendships and clear out your relationship clutter. They are genuinely happy for you when you succeed, and will be there for you when you ask them for help. Real friends make you feel loved, happy, and supported, unlike fake friends.

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Did you know having true friends is one of the biggest keys to happiness? Participants of all ages and from nearly countries were asked about their relationships and rated themselves on their health and happiness. Can you guess the result of the study? And the only relationships that predicted health and happiness at older ages were friendships, not family relationships.

But wait! In a second study by the same university, friends were found to be influential—if friends offered support, people were happier… but if friends were draining and stressful, people reported more chronic illness. How do fake friends happen? It often starts with the slow decline of a relationship.

Does the following story sound familiar to you? We bonded immediately—standing in line to get our room keys. I loved her shoes;, she loved my scarf. We both tried to eat vegetarian, but loved bacon. We asked to switch roommates so we could be bunk buddies. She was working on a fiction novel, I was working on the early notes for Captivate. We traded notes, read drafts, and were inseparable for two weeks. When we got home, we decided to have weekly calls to discuss our manuscripts. We promised to visit, but schedules were crazy!

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Calls were too hard with our busy schedules, so we texted. Texting got hard, so we ed. She got pregnant and had beautiful twins. She stopped writing. We had less and less to talk about, even in s. We sometimes sent each other pictures—our babies, our gardens. Texts were slow. After a while, even ing became tedious. I visited her on my last work trip to her city, and we had almost nothing to talk about. Over time, obligatory friends end up becoming fake friends. Let me explain how fake friendships happen. It all starts with what I call Spheres of Interest. When you first meet someone, you are not sure how many of your interests and their interests overlap.

You both have spheres of interest, and you wonder how much overlaps. Then as you get to know each other, you find more and more commonalities. The areas you have in common are called relevance. The closer your spheres of interest, the more you like someone. The more commonalities you have, the more relevant someone is to you. In a great relationship, the circles move closer together:. Before a relationship becomes obligatory and then fake, there is usually no movement at all—or your common interests begin to diverge.

You never find more common interests. You never get closer. You never fully bond. In fact, with most obligatory friends, your spheres of interest slowly move away from each other…. When your spheres of interest move farther and farther apart, you get closer and closer to becoming ambivalent about the person and your relationship. Ambivalent relationships cause the most emotional strain, take the most energy, and are the most toxic. But what is an ambivalent relationship?

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Here are some questions to self-diagnose your ambivalent relationships. Answer each question by placing someone on the ambivalence spectrum. You might not realize it, but ambivalent relationships are more toxic than toxic ones. This is some serious science: Psychologist Bert Uchino found that the more ambivalent relationships you have, the more likely you are to have higher rates of depressionstressand dissatisfaction in your life.

A researcher at the University of Minnesota named Michelle Duffy wanted to see if frenemies impacted people in the workplace. And not just any workers—police officers. You read that right: Officers were impacted more negatively when they had ambivalent relationships—even more than toxic ones.

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Duffy argued that when police officers have toxic relationships, they can work to keep clear of them. But ambivalent relationships were more confusing. It made police officers constantly have to second-guess, be on guard, and grapple with wondering and worrying. We know we have to get rid of toxic relationships. We worry, grapple with, and second-guess ambivalent ones.

Looking for honest fun friends

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