Added: Suraj Brannen - Date: 07.02.2022 11:41 - Views: 24825 - Clicks: 9882
Subscriber active since. Desire can wreck your life. This will sound all too familiar for people who always seem to be chasing things they can't have.
It might be a dream job, or it could be a person — either way, when something is out of reach, they want it that much more. You might have started dating someone, and thought things were going well. You were attracted to each other, and you were under every impression things were progressing in the right direction. Then they started to pull away, and instead of letting them go, you started bombarding them with messages and calls.
You could feel them slipping further away, but you couldn't control that burning desire to fix whatever went wrong.
Predictably, the more they distance themselves, the more you chase them, until eventually they're gone for good. Erika Ettin, the founder of dating website A Little Nudge, has a theory for why we behave this way. If someone is busyour minds can go into overdrive thinking they must be spending time with other people.
They're obviously popular, so something primal in our brain can make us think they are more valuable than they really are. In fact, Ettin said that often this means we start to place more value on the other person than we do ourselves.
But if someone isn't being honest with you, she said, they simply aren't worth your time. Unfortunately, walking away is much easier said than done. When we like someone, our brain will release the hormone dopamine when they appear in our messages, or ask to see us. We can get hooked on this happy hormone, and start chasing the high, like a drug.
If we get intermittent attention from someone, it's all the more addictive than if we got it all the time. Breadcrumbing is when someone texts or calls on a sporadic basisnormally because they know you will respond. They will seem to be pursuing you, but in reality have no intention of being tied down to a relationship.
They just like leaving you breadcrumbs, like a trail in Hansel and Gretel, to string you along. Thanks to the dopamine, we let people treat us this way, because the reward feels so good on the rare occasions we get it.
I say no. It can be incredibly tempting to fall for the thrill of the chase, particularly because our vanity can drive us to keep pursuing someone who just isn't interested.
For you. World globe An icon of the world globe, indicating different international options. Get the Insider App. A leading-edge research firm focused on digital transformation. Good Subscriber active since Shortcuts. icon An icon in the shape of a person's head and shoulders. It often indicates a user profile. Log out. US Markets Loading H M S In the news. Lindsay Dodgson. Sometimes it can feel like you're always chasing something you can't have.
It can feel like the more someone pulls away, the more you end up wanting them. This is partly due to our vanity and self-esteem, and partly due to our warped sense of their value. In reality, their perceived value is all in your head, and you're better off pursuing people who actually respect you enough to be honest. It's easier said than done, though. Stay up to date with what you want to know. Loading Something is loading. address. Deal icon An icon in the shape of a lightning bolt. Tinder Couples Sociology.I want something and someone real
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The psychological reasons why we want what we can't have — and why we chase someone who pulls away