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Maybe I was wrong. Maybe you can me nosey. Maybe you can say it was women's intiution or that little devil of a concience sitting on my shoulder telling me to do. When he doesn't come home at night, when he still hurts me, when he still won't help. Even when I pay all the bills, cook for him every night, try to keep the house clean, let him do whatever he wants, "try" to be a "good" wife.

Maybe I was just insecure to think something wasn't right. Maybe that feeling in the pit of my stomach shouldn't have won out over thinking I shouldn't look in his wallet. Maybe he shouldn't have had a condom in it. It's I nudge him, gently and he stirs. I expect myself to be angry. Furious even. Desperate to know the truth. After being broken before it's hard to feel anything other than dissapointment. The me now is a hollow, defeated shell. I've become weak and lost the fight I used to have.

I've given up on myself, my self respect, my happyness, and my marriage. He put his head down and with what I thought was a hint of regret says, "I can't, I can't talk to you about that. Maybe I really want to believe him in my heart of hearts but there's always a doubt in the back of my head from the past. I plead quietly with him for me to tell him. His story unfolds that he bought it for a co-worker while purchasing items at the store for his other co-workers. It's not unusual for him to be sent out to get food for everyone while working.

He gladly takes the break and who could blame him? Maybe its a guy thing to ask for condoms. What strikes me as odd is it's a single Magnum, not in a box or package, but alone in it's wrapper in his wallet. The same condom he would use if I wasn't on birth control. I tell him I just want the truth and a single tear manages to slip down my cheek as I just say, "ok," and continue to make my lunch for work.

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